The following story is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. But there isn't anything that's going to protect YOU from the very same thing happening in YOUR life unless you deserve what you want and put to an end any mindset whatsoever that would cause you to "settle".
Here's the deal. About two years ago Billy Bob went to a bar, hopefully to meet some women. After throwing the proverbial "spaghetti against the wall" to see what "stuck", lo and behold he got a woman named Mary Meenow to talk to him. She gave him her number. He called her and asked her out the "customary" three days later. A few weeks went by, and Mary started bugging Billy Bob about becoming "exclusive".
"Make me your girlfriend or I'm outta here!", she announced. After an audible wussy-boy sigh, Billy Bob feverishly rifled through the file cards in his head but gave in. After all, it was hella easier than going out there "sarging" some more, huh? So Billy Bob and Mary soldiered on a few more months.
Finally, Mary uttered the inevitable: "Hey my friend told me today that her boyfriend asked her to marry him, and we've been dating longer than they have!" Billy Bob was flustered and avoided the issue. But Mary was persistent. Only a couple of days passed by before she dropped the Weapon Of Mass Destruction: "I've had it with your non-committal attitude. Either I get a ring from you or I'm walking. You have five days to think about it." And so the ultimatum had been issued.
Using the exact same logic he drew from months before, Billy Bob showed up with a ring four days later. Within two weeks they got married in Vega$. Only a mere thirty days went by before Billy Bob-a military man-got orders out to a base 1500 miles away. Mary, who had a son in school, decided to wait behind for the duration of the six month deployment rather than pick up and move only to move back half a year from now. Shortly thereafter, she got a call. Billy Bob was being sent out to sea for 90 days, during which time any communication would be all but impossible.
But it was only a month and a half or so before Mary got another surprise call from Billy Bob. He had gone through her email account somehow, and read where she told a friend about having gone Salsa dancing the other night. (Note: If you are thinking this whole jigsaw puzzle is missing a couple of pieces, I'm right there with you.) Billy Bob was angry, branded her a "cheater" and declared that he wanted a divorce. Click.
So what happened here? Well, Mary isn't a cheater. And furthermore, here it is: Billy Bob doesn't actually think so either. It's just that he?well, uh?he sorta hasn't really?um?missed her a whole lot since he has been gone. It isn't like he even looks at her picture much.
And he darn skippy didn't use whatever precious Internet access time he had to email her, let alone mix in a Skype account. He doesn't love her anymore. In fact he probably never did.
Worse, he doesn't have the masculine strength to admit it to her, therefore he scapegoats her with a ridiculous excuse. How do I know all this? Simple: men who LOVE their cheating wives typically respond to discovery of infidelity with hurt and denial rather than a quick and dirty exit. He SETTLED. And SO DID SHE. This is what happens when there is no effort made to deserve what one wants, and two people allow themselves to be okay with accepting whomever "happens to come along".
Both Mary and Billy Bob DID NOT choose each other. They accepted each other vis-à-vis circumstance, and once they did both were too insecure with their own ability to deserve that they dreaded the concept of breaking up and "starting all over" with someone else more than they did staying together. At least until now, when the house of cards has collapsed.
Absolutely go out and meet some people-at a bar, club or even in the elevator. But don't be a Billy Bob. Deserve what you want and never, ever "settle".
Scot McKay's dating strategies for those who refuse to settle for anything less than the ULTIMATE relationship are found at: http://www.relationship-advice.us/. Stop by right now and grab a FREE e-book ($20 value) when you sign up for the X & Y Communications Newsletter, which is always packed with unique and practical dating tips.